All Arrows Point Home

I’m hurting again. I wish it was some sappy bullshit hurt, like I miss you or I need to see you again. But it’s not instead, I feel like I have been cut off from the strongest source if love that I have ever had. I feel bad to say that I don’t feel as loved by my parents, but I guess that’s because I have lives my whole life with them. Instead the love I desire is of a second family (and new friends) that I only get to see for a couple of weeks each year. I hate it. I wish I could always be with them, but the chances of that are so slim. It is my goal to try and get a 1-2 year work contract with a company in Germany so I could just live life there and be around the people that I love

I wish I was still in Germany
There were so many people there that loved me, and cared about me. I am never one to just talk about how I feel to certain people, but with them I feel bad for that. Because I know that they loved me like a son, and would do anything to help me feel better. But the only thing they needed to do was love me, and live with me. And that’s what I miss so much, was the living. Everyday we would do something different, but nothing extraordinary. But it had it’s own sense of wonder to it because they knew how to just live in each moment and find something interesting even if it wasn’t so much. My words are coming out so jumbled but I don’t really care. I just need to get it out that I miss Germany. It is my second home, and now that I’m back in the US, I feel like I have left a piece of me behind, and it hurts. I miss my host family so badly, and I don’t want to wait a whole year to go back…. I feel I’m missing life by not being there. I feel like my really home is there and being in the US is just some weird fucked up vacation. And if I get an internship that runs into my time that I could be back in Germany, I’ll be sad. Because that means I don’t get to see my family again, and that hurts

Day and night
A beautiful dance
Twirling through infinitum
Two lovers pressed so tight
Terrified of whatever might
Come between them
In their flight